Three years ago I had no love in my life of any sort and my depression had a deadly grip on me, and that’s where this paranoia comes from.” - Sam B.Ĩ. If I don’t have love, I have absolutely nothing. Love for my family, friends, education, work, and - most importantly - myself. “A paranoid thought I have with my depression is that I will ‘run out’ of love. “Depression takes away my ability to love other people.” I feel disconnected from people and the world and worry no one wants to be around me because I’m not the same person.” - Kim A.ħ. “That I’ve lost my personality and people find me dull. “No one wants to be around me because I’m not the same person I was before I got depressed.” “No matter who I try to befriend, they really are just being polite when I am near and don’t want anything to do with me unless they want something from me.” - Tamii M.Ħ. “People are only nice to me when they want something from me.” It’s a dangerous and damaging cycle that feeds into my fear of abandonment.” - Katie P.ĥ. In severe cases, the lack of my ability to reach out for help from those closest to me escalates how quickly my illness gets worse and the end result is me being in crisis and feeling like even more of a burden anyway. “That my illness makes me a burden to my loved ones… This feeling is made worse when my mental health deteriorates, making it harder for me to tell them when things are going badly because I don’t want to be a burden. It’s a very lonely, draining existence when the depression is particularly heavy.” - Kara D. I am often so afraid that my struggles will make me a burden to those I love and they’ll ultimately leave me. “‘You are burdensome.’ This paranoid thought not only keeps me from reaching out for support when I need it, but it also drives me to go out of my way to ease other people’s burdens. No matter how hard I try to see myself as a competent person, the idea of not ever being able to consider myself, good enough or capable enough or competent enough seems to stay with me.” - Kathleen K. There are no perfect people and there is no one perfect person, but I feel like a total failure and I am a discouraged perfectionist. “Sometimes, I think I will never, ever be good enough, no matter how hard I try. I just feel like I fail - that at my age I should be more but I can’t muster the gumption to ‘get there.’” - Amanda L. I want to be more than this - and I question if I will ever be ‘normal’ enough to do what I consider to be basic functions of human life. but I get an opportunity and want to hide under the covers. I want to do more, move up, pursue what I love, etc. I pray I don’t get ‘found out’ and lose what I have. I spend hours going over what I should have said, where I failed, where I didn’t put in ‘enough’ (because I am exhausted all the time), how I should be doing more. Sometimes I even wonder if he’d be happier without me.” - Stephanie S. And that he’ll realize he could have an easier life and an easier relationship with someone else that doesn’t carry all the baggage and weight that comes with mental illness, and that he’d be so much happier without me and my problems. “My partner would be happier without me.” “ my husband will one day wake up and realize my mental illnesses are too much of a burden and he doesn’t want to deal with it (or me) anymore. It makes me feel like I am an outcast.” - Helen H.Ģ. “I think everyone either hates me or thinks I’m a freak because very few people have anything to do with me. “I’m pretty firmly convinced that everyone in my life, including my husband and kids, secretly hates me… No matter how much others assure me this isn’t true, I can’t make myself believe it, so I just don’t talk about it anymore because I don’t want to be even more irritating and unlikable by being needy.” - Murphy M. Here are the “paranoid” thoughts our community said they experience when they are feeling depressed: Below you can read what they shared with us. Our partners at The Mighty wanted to know what “paranoid” thoughts people with depression experience, so they asked their community. Though these “paranoid” thoughts might not fit the diagnostic definition of paranoia, they can be debilitating in their own right. My friends are talking about how depressed I am. In this case, we’re not talking about the capital “P” paranoia symptom mentioned above - we’re talking about persistent “paranoid” thoughts you can get when depression tinges your every thought. According to Mental Health America, paranoia is characterized by intense, anxious feelings typically related to persecution, threat or conspiracy.
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